I understand that part of growing up is realizing that the world is not a fairytale. Which I do realize. I also realize that it is full of injustice and unfairness. As an adult, I should accept the idea that evil exists and that sometimes there is nothing we can do to completely stop it.
My dilemma is my inability to accept that idea. Injustice makes me very angry, it boils my blood. The world is full of it. Which is why sometime I feel like I’d rather die than just be here. As much as I want to be here and make the world a better place as much as I just want to give up and die.
Many of us has become desensitized because of the amount of violence we see or experience. You might cry the first time you see a video of a dog being tortured, but you won’t the next time you see it. The more exposure to violent scenes the less intense the feelings get. But I still feel everything. I am a walking human antenna, I pick up energies. Seeing a homeless man still makes me sad, seeing videos of injured children in Syria and Palestine still bring me to tears, doesn’t matter how many homeless men I see and how many pictures of tortured children I see. I struggle to comprehend such cruelty. I cannot justify the lack of compassion and suffering.
When I am overwhelmed with emotions I say, it’s a game. It’s a game I don’t want to be part of anymore, but then I remember that it’s not a game. It’s more like a war, and we are the soldiers, his soldiers. Most of us think we are doing what we are supposed to do, we are doing enough, we are prepared; we are not! We pray and fast, celebrate Eid, Christmas, Hanukkah, etc. Practicing religion became nothing but a habit. A habit that is devoid of emotions.
Emotions and feelings are what make us human. There are people in this world that do not feel. They understand what a feeling is, know what it means, but don’t experience it. They have different definitions for certain feelings. They do experience primitive feelings such as hunger and thirst, physical pain such as stomachache, but they never experience empathy. These are the people that make the world a worse place.
The lack of empathy is what’s making this world an ugly place. We are nothing but energies and vibrations. Good and evil are nothing but energies that travel in waves which can create either a constructive or a destructive interference.
Our job here is to create a destructive interference. Destroy evil energies, cancel them out by our good energies. We don’t do that by an empty prayer, by fasting then breaking someone’s heart, by buying Christmas gifts and ignoring the homeless nearby. We do that by helping each other, smiling, being nice to each other, being honest, being loyal, being kind to all beings. Reduce the suffering. We need some spiritual and moral uplift. Connect, be aware, be consistent.
You feel, therefore you are.
(late night writing. Will be edited. To be continued)